Well where have YOU been?!?!

Look, just chill out and have a pint ("Pint of Stout" oil on linen panel, 6" square). Let me fill you in, okay?

First of all, if you hadn't deduced it from between the lines here, my corporate day job was stifling my creativity BIG TIME. Frankly, the whole thing was getting me really, really down to the point where I had kind of gone into a shell art-wise and personality-wise, and it was becoming more than a bit noticeable around house and home. I stopped blogging because I had nothing to add, Berehaven-wise. It hurt to even be reminded of that, frankly.

So I stopped pre-holiday 2008/09, I see. Yeah, Christmas was fine: there was money for presents and New York City extravagances and the like. And I was so unhappy. But, I ain't no quitter, so despite my lack of desire for basically anything at this point, I stayed on at the office. Steady paycheck & insurance - this is our lot in life, right? The cliches are right: money is no substitute for happiness. Or staying true to oneself, for that matter.

Some bright moments during this time: My 15 year wedding anniversary, for one. Me & D. celebrated sans kids, and we enjoyed it immensely. Despite everything else, we're doing okay There's a lot more ahead of us, and plenty of love to keep it going. The other thing was a 25 year reunion with my elementary school buddies. You read that right. We were all pretty close growing up; it was a Catholic school that went from K to 8, and most of us were neighbors or pals of some sort. It was an absolute blast, and I love every one of those people.

Then, as February of '09 drew down to a close, and as the economy bottomed out so hard you could hear it like a thunderclap in a snowstorm, my company had a round of layoffs. I knew it in my bones that I was done. Sure, part of me felt afraid - afraid of what to do next, afraid of the end of our savings, health care, etc. But then there was that part of me that was like William Wallace getting his guts pulled out at the end of Braveheart: "FREEEEDOOOOOMMMMM!!" I even preemptively packed my things and wiped my hard drive clean. When I got the last bit down off my wall, the CD came in, looked around, and said, "Well I guess you know why I'm here." Yup.

The severance was okay, not great, but whatever - it was my first brush with the corporate life and perhaps my last, unless the REALLY right job comes along. At the moment, as we all know, that obviously is not happening. We're surviving, but happier - and let me tell you why...

I'm painting again. A LOT. For about 40 days (7 weeks, with weekends off), I 9 to 5-ed it at the studio and produced 28 new paintings. I was hoping for 30, but I didn't factor in some of the prep time, so there you go. I decided to go full on, alla prima, and plop a new still life every day on the stand. It was GREAT. What a catharsis of energy release! I created a theme, too, using my practical illustrator's sensibilities (heh). I decided to create a series for everyone. That sounds grandiose, but it's really the opposite. I chose items for the home, or from the home, that were interesting enough to keep me interested, and fun enough for others to find some connection. And since they are all the same size - small, at 6" x 6" - yet painted with true affection and attention to the singular object, I titled the series "minumentals" (lowercase intended).

Rather than describe it to you, you can see them at my website... www.robsullivanart.com. WHAT? A website? Well, I've been talking about it for friggin' months, already - isn't it about time? Damn right, it is.

Also, this idea was also designed with a show in mind. And guess what?! Yes! - the work is now up at Art House gallery in Portland, and will be there until June 27th. The opening went very well, and 10 pieces have sold (see my site for current availability) thus far. There is another mini-reception on First Friday, June 5th. I'd love to see you there!

And what else? Well, you know how much I loved teaching. Okay, if you don't remember - I loved teaching! It was just difficult, because NHIA was so far away. Well, problem solved. I am now faculty in the Illustration Department at the Maine College of Art. There is, of course, a story behind it, but the most important thing right now is that I'm teaching again, period. The chair and my co-faculty are just wonderful. I am looking forward to September with huge anticipation.

All right, that's a lot to digest, and now that no one is reading this blog anymore due to my neglect, it may have been superfluous. Whatever - I don't care, because I have made up for the time lost with painting! Yes!

Me, after the last of the minumentals went off to the gallery:

Hopes and Dreams

She Dreams - oil on panel, 5" x 8.25".

This is a very recent piece, and it is very important to me, despite its small size. It is an allegory of hope, of facing one's fear, of dreaming, of looking to the future. Here's a rare thing: I am not ready to part with this, even though I've had interested buyers. Not yet.

You see, as I've said (and as I've posted) in this blog, I feel very strongly about the figure, and I want it to be a bigger part of my oeuvre. One might look at this blog and ask, "Well, isn't it?" No, it's not so much. I'm torn in too many directions. My full time position demands professionalism and skill, but gives no room for personal creativity. Nevertheless, I am compensated well enough to keep me there - more out of necessity than anything else. My art outside the commercial realm is now in flux: do I keep painting the landscape so that I maintain a salable portfolio, or do I return to the figure and fulfill a more personal ambition with a less-than-salable series of works? I have a solid history of selling landscapes, so I'm aware of what the buying public prefers (from me, anyway).

[I should note here: models need to get paid. It's an expensive proposition. It's not like a photographer who can do a TFP trade - that is - time for prints. As wonderful as the model may be, I can't give her the painting! Maybe some painting lessons? Time for Teaching?]

Why be so concerned with selling? Practically speaking, some extra money always helps. And there's that dream of one day making a living from doing my own work as opposed to completing someone else's. Yes, yes , my art is worth something to me - but does it convey what I'm trying to convey? I've always been interested in narrative, in storytelling. How can I tell if the stories or the meanings are ringing true? If someone pays good money for a painting, the investment indicates that they have gotten it - or something close to it. They are also investing their lives in it; they are going to look at the painting for a long, long time. That is the biggest deal for me - that someone would want to do that with my work. It is an important validation.

The sentiment of this painting here addresses a lot of what is said above. The funny thing is, the initial impetus for this was to not only attempt a new figurative work as a test (hence the scale), but it was also a reflection of someone else's artistic and personal journey. She faces difficult choices, as well. It was only in the midst of painting this that I realized I was in the same boat, albeit in a different career phase. It's a fairly universal sentiment, now that I think upon it, and I think the prospective buyers saw this.

Well, the test succeeded on a pictorial level, I feel, but the dreams themselves ares still being deciphered.

Meanwhile, I have to take better pictures of the latest landscape that sits happy and finished in the studio. I shall post those shots this weekend.

New Projects

Is anyone is ever going to read this thing? I wonder. I know that current opinion has come around to the conclusion that blogging is no longer cool - rather, it's self-indulgent. That said, I have to ponder the worth of this medium.

Well, I shall soldier on for a little while longer. Funny, I think I planted a suggestion in my own head with that last post in that I engaged in a bit of "Artist's Way"-style cathartic writing the other night. I was a bit morose in regard to the current state of things at my workplace. That being, the new year is already starting off with a "bbbth" rather than a "bang" as regards the concepting phase of what we do. It's basically the same old thing. I came to the realization that I really have zero room to stretch on the job, and that I must exercise this elsewhere. I will always continue to put out professional-looking work, but the fact is, I am just a solid pair of hands with a brush (or Wacom, depending) for the company. I must accept this as my reality, and move on. But the other night, I had to write it out in a rant of self-examination regarding my artistic state of mind. It helped, oddly enough. But I didn't re-read it, I just tucked it in the pages of Andy Wyeth's bio and will probably forget about it (I read that book around 5 times).

So, I was at Berehaven most of Saturday, and I completed the preliminary work on "Gnomon." (If you want to know what that is, you have to come visit me, or wait 'til it's done.) I have this unusual (perhaps) practice of naming a piece before I even begin, because it allows me to develop a narrative in my head as the painting progresses. It keeps me interested and "inside" the painting, if you will. I've gridded it up from a plein air study, old-school style. If I had my druthers, I would do this 100% of the time, as it really completes the vision when one revisits it in paint, rather than, say, having the source material be purely photographic. A certain kind of translation needs to happen there, and often, one can misinterpret the mechanical facts of what the camera sees.

I'm also submitting an oil study and perhaps a drawing to drawing room for the next show there. I'm hopeful that some of my students and friend-artists will do likewise. $100 takes it! That's damn cheap compared to what my former gallery charged for my work! I'm happy to show there, though. It's a great thing to have in this town.

Okay, time to imbibe some more Chateau de L'Abbaye de Saint-Ferme . It says its a Bordeaux Superieur, and it is lends credibility to the title. Perhaps a bit much Cab Franc in the palate leadoff, but for 10 bucks, I can't expect the weight of a classified growth. It's just that I'm achy from playing mixed doubles this afternoon (I got roped into the Leagues again), and I need some liquid joint-loosener, if you get me. Cheers!

A Formality

A New Year seems like a good time to begin...

As an introduction, I would like to announce my use of this blog as a slightly more formal (and more efficient) way to publish not just my ramblings, but - more importantly - my experiences and thoughts on being a working artist. (I was doing this via Facebook, but I think this medium will allow for more cohesiveness... that's the idea, anyway.)

A few years back, I had used the journal-writing exercise as put forth by Julia Cameron's "The Artist's Way." I put out about 2 and a half year's worth of writing (3 pages daily) until some difficult times intervened, and I stopped. Things are better, but I don't plan to revisit that kind of writing in this public format. This is not to say that The Artist's Way is not an excellent program - it certainly is. It got me out of quite a rut when I followed the proscribed steps. I have a different agenda in mind here, and it really revolves around teaching.

The Facebook profile helps me to keep in touch with students, and I've tried to implement a bit of teaching through that - but the format is a bit distracting for such efforts. I hope some of them (possibly you!) will visit here as well, for I want to offer to any who may be interested my knowledge and experiences in the art world, such as they are.

Berehaven is my Portland, Maine studio. It is a sanctuary for me as Berehaven's Dunboy Castle was for the O'Sullivans in time of war. Just like the great Irish Chief Donal O'Sullivan, I have more than one enemy:

• The art establishment/critics, with their support of the nihilism and nullification of art, not to mention their crusade against beauty;
  
• The balance between commercial and fine art, as my "day job" comprises the former, while my heart lies with the latter;
• And my creative self, as there are times when it all gets a bit much - all this balancing - and the creative juices become a murky sludge.

It is in Studio Berehaven where I fight these battles. But, it is not all sturm und drang, as my language may suggest. Mostly, I am very pleased to be there, and I am able to think clearly about concepts, designs, and themes. I hope to transfer some of that thought here, and perhaps it will make them more concrete and bring some clarity. Or, perhaps it will inspire you as well! Let's see what happens...